Proverbs 18:22

The Bible says in Proverbs 18:22, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.” This means that if you find a wife, you have been blessed by the Lord. A good wife comes from God. In order to find a wife, this assumes that you were looking for a wife. If you are looking for a wife, it assumes that you do not have a wife and that you are alone. If you are looking for a wife, there is a Biblical way of going about it. There are several important spiritual principles. They can be found in Genesis chapter 24 when a wife was found for Isaac. Among the important principles are: 1. Separation from unbelievers. 2. Prayer. 3. Surrender to God’s will. 4. Being led by God. 5. Taking advice from your elders. Separation from unbelievers is an important spiritual principle. Do not be totally separate because you want to influence them for Christ, but do not get too close where they are influencing you. “What communion hath light with darkness?” None. It also says in Second Corinthians 7:14, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers.” Hopefully, you believe in Jesus and walk close to Him; and therefore, you want to marry only someone who also believes in Jesus and walks close to Him. That means that you will only look for those who fit that criteria. If they do not know Jesus as Savior and follow Him closely, then you cross them off your list of potentials. Abraham said in Genesis 24:3, “…thou shalt not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell.”

Prayer changes things because God answers prayer. We should pray about everything, starting with the most important things in our lives. After accepting Jesus as Savior, there is nothing more important than whom you marry and when you marry. If you know Jesus as your Savior, God has another Christian already chosen just for you. God will guide you her and guide her to you in His time and in His way. Of course, you are also looking just as Abraham was looking for a wife for Isaac. But you must pray, and continue to pray. Rely on the Lord. Abraham’s servant was sent to look for a wife for Isaac, and the servant turned to the Lord and prayed in Genesis 24:12-14, “And he said, O LORD God of my master Abraham, I pray thee, send me good speed this day, and shew kindness unto my master Abraham.[13] Behold, I stand here by the well of water; and the daughters of the men of the city come out to draw water:[14] And let it come to pass, that the damsel to whom I shall say, Let down thy pitcher, I pray thee, that I may drink; and she shall say, Drink, and I will give thy camels drink also: let the same be she that thou hast appointed for thy servant Isaac; and thereby shall I know that thou hast shewed kindness unto my master.”

If you are praying with the proper attitude, then that means you are surrendering to God’s will. Someone who is determined to marry the wrong person for the wrong reason is not going to find God’s will no matter if they pretend to pray or not. Remember that Jesus prayed, “Not my will, but thine be done.” You really need God’s will because He loves you, and He know what is best for you. God knew that Adam needed a helpmeet, and God created her, and then God brought her to the man. God will do the same for the two of you. He will bring you together in His time: when He thinks you are ready. God is love. All true love comes from God. When God brings two people together, He gives them love for each other. When only one person thinks that they are in love but the other does not, that is not love. You cannot make that person love you. Be careful of foolish infatuations. Remember that this is a person with whom you are planning to spend the rest of your life: you cannot make them love you.

Follow God the best you know how in each thing that you do, and then He will also lead you in finding your mate. You follow God by asking for God’s will. You follow God by being surrendered to His will. You follow God by reading the Bible and attempting to put it into practice in your own life. You follow God by confessing your sins if you fail. And you follow God by keeping your eyes on Jesus. Jesus is the Shepherd who leads the sheep.

It is important to note how much Abraham was involved in getting Isaac’s wife. Of course, it was a much different culture than ours, but there is something that can be learned from it. I do not think that young people should surrender their choice to another family member, but I do think that single adults should listen respectfully to parents or grandparents or other adults who care about them and who will look at things from an unemotional perspective, having lived a little longer and having learned a few more things about life. What do the elders in your life think about this other person that you might marry? The choice is yours because you must live with the results, but make sure you at least respectfully listen to others. They might be wrong, but also God might speak through them. Evidently, Rebekah’s family approved of her going to marry Isaac, but they still gave her the choice. It says in Genesis 24:57-60, “And they said, We will call the damsel, and inquire at her mouth.[58] And they called Rebekah, and said unto her, Wilt thou go with this man? And she said, I will go.[59] And they sent away Rebekah their sister, and her nurse, and Abraham's servant, and his men.[60] And they blessed Rebekah, and said unto her, Thou art our sister, be thou the mother of thousands of millions, and let thy seed possess the gate of those which hate them.” God brought Rebekah and Isaac together, and notice the result of God’s guiding hand. It says in Genesis 24:67, “And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother's death.”

The Bible says in Proverbs 18:23, “The poor useth intreaties; but the rich answereth roughly.” There is a difference between the rich and the poor. It the difference between the haves and the have-nots. It is similar to the difference between management and workers. Once someone makes it in life, they tend to look down on those who have not made it. The rich can easily become proud and think they are better than others. Instead of giving glory to God, they think they accomplished their success. With such an attitude, how are they going to turn to God and ask for the forgiveness of sins? Unfortunately for them, most rich people will not turn to God. Their destiny will be the same as the rich man that Jesus spoke of in Luke 16:22-23, “…the rich man also died, and was buried;[23] And in hell he lift up his eyes, being in torments…”

The Bible says in Proverbs 18:24, “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.” There is one major requirement to having friends: you must be friendly. You have the ability to control your own fate in this regard. If you want friends, learn to be friendly. Take the lead. People will react to you based upon what you are like. It fits into what Jesus said, “With the same measure that you mete, it shall be measured to you again.” Once you do gain a friend, you have gained a great thing. Hopefully, when you get married, you will gain a lover and a friend. Once you come to know Jesus as Savior, He will be your friend. And Jesus will be the best friend that you will ever have. Family members might fail you, but a true friend never will.

The Bible says in Proverbs 19:1, “Better is the poor that walketh in his integrity, than he that is perverse in his lips, and is a fool.” This verse is an emphasis on the fact that the most important thing about you is the type of person that you are. And the emphasis is on what you do and not what you say. Even if you are poor, you will be rich because you will have a very rare commodity that is priceless in this life: a good character. One of the many benefits of believing in Jesus and following Him is that He will have a plan for your life to improve you and make you a better person. That is far better than money. One of the ways of recognizing a person who does not have integrity is by their words. Two of the Ten Commandments have to do with what people say. “Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.” “Thou shalt not lie.” Listen to how people use their words, and you will know if they have integrity or not.

The Bible says in Proverbs 19:2, “Also, that the soul be without knowledge, it is not good; and he that hasteth with his feet sinneth.” Life has a proper pace to it, or it should have. It is dangerous to go too fast: that is true with driving an automobile and it is true with conducting your own life. Guess what might happen if you rush onto marriage: you might marry the wrong person, and go through years of great suffering because of it. It might take years to pray, and to wait upon God just to find the right person for you. Do not rush into any decision. Take time to learn about it, think about it, and pray about it. Jesus was never in a hurry, but He was always occupied in the Father’s business.

The Bible says in Proverbs 19:3, “The foolishness of man perverteth his way: and his heart fretteth against the Lord.” If you are foolish, you will not understand important things about life, and you will make wrong decisions, and the wrong decisions will lead you further and further into a path that is perverted from the way God wants things to be. Let’s give an example. Hollywood is a satanic cesspool of wickedness, ungodliness, and uncontrolled lust. If a young adult makes a decision like the following: “I believe I have some talent. I think I will go to Hollywood and try to start a career.” Such a decision puts a lamb in the midst of wolves. And then once they are in that evil empire, they will be told such things as: “You must do x, y, and z or you will never have a career in this town.” Now they have another decision to make: do they allow themselves to be used for horribly immoral acts, or do they go elsewhere and start another dream? If they make the wrong decision and allow the immoral acts, they are now full-fledged participants of perversion. “The foolishness of man perverteth his way.”

The same thing can happen with the drinking of alcoholic beverages. Has the following ever happened: a young person sees peers drinking alcohol, and they immediately have a decision to make. The Bible gives many warning about alcoholic beverages. For example, Proverbs 20:1 says, “Wine is a mocker, strong drink is raging: and whosoever is deceived thereby is not wise.” In spite of warnings of the dangers of alcohol, that person decides to try it. That is the first bad decision. Then they decide to continue drinking alcohol on a more regular basis. That is the second wrong decision, and it can horribly alter their life. Millions of people the world over became alcoholics because of following such a decision process, and saw the ruin of their families, their health, and their careers because of it. The same can be said about drugs, both legal and illegal.

The second part of Proverbs 19:3 speaks of a foolish person and says, “his heart fretteth against the Lord.” The spiritual problem for a foolish person is found in the heart, and it is a problem about their attitude toward the Lord. The word “to fret” in this context means “to be angry with.” Sadly, people get angry with God, and guess who will win that contest? Since God is the source of wisdom, anyone who is not rightly related to the Lord Jesus will in some way be foolish. If you do not know the Lord, you can fall at the feet of Jesus, call upon His name, and ask Him to forgive you.

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