FIRST PETER 3:1

The Bible is speaking to Christian wives in the first part of First Peter chapter 3 and says to them in First Peter 3:1, “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives.” One situation that a Christian woman may find herself in is in a marriage where the husband is not a Christian. What should she do about it, if she has a husband who refuses to listen to the word of God? How will she win him over to Christ? This verse points out that her biggest effect on her husband may very well be by her actions instead of by her words. The greatest testimony that any of us can have is by our actions. A few people might listen to our words, but everyone will notice our actions.

We live in the last days. There are not many good wives, just as there are not many good husbands. The world knows this, and that is why some of them do not even want to get married. People are so messed up that it is hard to find a good spouse. If you are a Christian wife, the best way to win your husband is to be the best wife that you can possibly be with God’s help. The word “conversation” means manner of life. Your manner of life as a wife may very well be the deciding factor concerning your husband’s interest in turning his own life over to Christ. He may not listen to your words, but he will know what kind of person that you are. First Peter 3:2 says, “While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.” The fear that is spoken of here is the fear of God. If you are a person who fears and honors God, it will be obvious in the home or elsewhere.

The next two verses in First Peter describe more specifically what a Christian woman should be like. It says in First Peter 3:3-4, “Whose adorning let it not be the outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.” The standard that God gives for what is most important about a woman is in contrast to the standard that the world has always given. The world emphasizes the external appearance, but God is interested in what kind of person that you are on the inside. Notice the three things that are mentioned here that have to do with the external appearance of a woman: the hair, gold jewelry, and clothing. There is something more important than those things: the kind of person that you are. Man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart.

Christian men should keep this teaching in mind when looking for a Christian wife. The kind of Christian person that a woman is has much greater importance than what she looks like. Do not use the method of the world in choosing a spouse. “A meek and quiet spirit” in a woman is of great value to God. What do you value in a woman?

Concerning the will of God that a Christian woman be “in subjection” to her husband, First Peter 3:5-6 says, “For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.” The exact same phrase is used of Sarah’s attitude toward Abraham that Christian women are told to have: “in subjection”. That means under the authority of someone. Abraham had the final word. The wife can give her opinion, and add her knowledge to the discussion of a particular issue. The wife is free to use her influence. But in the end the man must be obeyed. That is what this verse says. It says that Sarah “obeyed” Abraham. The word “obey” comes from a word that means “to listen to.” If you obey, it means that you listen to them in order to find out what it is that they want you to do. Sarah was in subjection to Abraham, she obeyed Abraham, and she called him “lord.” This is the same word that is used of Jesus. If you are a Christian wife, Jesus is your Lord, and your husband is also your lord. Of course, do not take this to extremes. You do not have to do anything that anyone tells you to do that is contrary to the Word of God.

You always serve Jesus first and others only in line with your service to Him. But you must strive to have the same characteristics that Sarah had in her relationship with Abraham. Of course, we live in a day when the extremes of the humanistic women’s liberation movement have negatively affected many. This does not mean that everything is wrong that proponents of the women’s liberation movement teach, but it does mean that there are certain excesses in that movement that must be avoided by a Christian woman in regards to her attitude toward her husband. Of course, whenever a teaching of the Word of God is contrary to some teaching of the world, there will be those who are afraid to put into practice the teaching of the Word of God. They fear that somehow they will lose too much by doing things against the world’s teachings. That is why First Peter 3:6 says to be “not afraid with any amazement.” This is a similar admonition to Proverbs 29:25 that says, “The fear of man bringeth a snare: but whoso putteth his trust in the LORD shall be safe.”

There are also things for a husband to remember in his relationship with his wife. First Peter 3:7 says, “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.” This verse emphasizes the bond that should exist between husband and wife. It speaks of husbands dwelling “with them.” It speaks of unity and togetherness and having all things common. “A man should leave his mother and his father and cling unto his wife.” The unity of husband and wife is also emphasized by the phrase “being heirs together of the grace of life.” Life is a gift from God. Life is precious. That is why life should be preserved to its very limits. Jesus gives life and only He should take it. Because life is a gift, it should be lived to its fullest.

For Christian husbands there is one important thing for them to remember in regards to their wives. First Peter 3:7 tells husbands to give “honor unto the wife.” This verse is saying very clearly that the wife is not a servant. She is an equal. The word “honor” was used in the previous chapter. First Peter 2:7 said, “Honor all men,” and it said, “Honor the king.” Now husbands are told to give “honor unto the wife.” A husband should regard his wife as a queen. He should be aware of all that she does in the home and for the marriage and honor her for it. This verse calls the wife the “weaker vessel.” It is probably speaking of physical strength. In the first century women did not usually become part of the army and pick up a sword and enter the battlefield because of the difference between men and women from a physical strength perspective. Of course, in today’s army a person can fight in a battle by pulling a trigger, and a woman can do that as easily as a man. But in the spirit of First Peter chapter 3, it is still a good thing for a husband to open a door for his wife or to take her arm to support her. In so doing he is showing that he honors her. Another way of honoring her is to value her input and advice. There are also times when the husband should be in subjection to the wife. Ephesians 5V21 says, “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.” All Christians should learn to submit to others. We submit to Christ, and so we should be very experienced at submitting our wills to the will of another. It is good for a husband to also submit to a wife like he would to any Christian in his service to the Lord Jesus. One of the reasons that the wife is told to be in subjection to the husband is that someone has to make the final decision in cases of disagreement. That is true in any organization. Of course, also the husband can and should delegate decisions to the wife. Just as Proverbs chapter thirty shows, the wife is well suited to make the most important decisions that affect the household and any aspect of the marriage. The husband honors the wife by relying upon her opinions, her council, and her intuition.

Notice what happens if the Christian husband does not understand the importance of togetherness and equality between himself and the wife or if the Christian husband does not honor the wife. First Peter 3:7 says, “that your prayers be not hindered.” Evidently it is very important to God that a Christian husband understands how to properly treat his wife. Perhaps it is because the marital relationship is supposed to be similar to the relationship between Christ and the church. It is a relationship that is not to be taken lightly. Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” One of the reasons that Christian husbands do not have their prayers answered is because of a lack of knowledge about the importance of showing honor to the wife.

In First Peter 3:8 the attention is taken away from the marriage relationship and returns to all believers, and it says, “Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous.” If you are saying things that are important, then you might want to say the most important thing last of all. That is what is being done here. That is the reason for the word “finally.” God wants Christians in a congregation to be united. Jesus prayed to the Father and said in Matthew 17:22, “And the glory which thou gavest me I have given them; that they may be one, even as we are one.” It is written of the early Christians in Acts 4:32, “And the multitude of them that believed were of one heart and of one soul.”

First Peter 3:8 tells believers to “love as brethren.” Because of Jesus, all who believe have the same Father. We are in the same family. There should be no family ties that are stronger than your ties to your Christian family members. Jesus gave His precious blood, not only so that you could be saved from your sins, but also so that you could be united with your brothers and sisters in Christ. How do you show love to your Christian brothers and sisters? You do it first of all by your attitude to them. You should have “compassion,” and you should be “pitiful.” To have compassion means that you feel for the sufferings that someone else is going through. You pray for them. You do what you can to help them. To be pitiful means that you always have mercy to bestow upon your brothers and sisters in Christ. As you have contact with them, you will become aware of their faults and failures, just as they will become aware of yours. Be merciful to them. Do not be critical. Do not go about judging them or getting revenge upon them. God was merciful to you. How else will you create unity?

Because being merciful is so important, the next verse in First Peter continues with this theme. It says in First Peter 3:9, “Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing.” The fact that evil was done is not a question. This verse assumes that evil was done to you. This verse assumes that things were said against you. But this verse says that instead of rendering to others the way that they rendered to us, we should give blessings. That is exactly what Jesus did. He was nailed to the cross out of hatred and cruelty and jealousy, but Jesus prayed, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” How carnal we are! How unlike Christ we are! It is no wonder that we do not have the power of God. We are so unwilling to suffer for His name sake.

Notice that we who believe have been “called” to render a blessing for a cursing, and to render good for evil. “Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil for good.” Sometimes Christians want to know what is their calling. Your calling from God has to do not with what position that you hold, but with what kind of person that you are. The whole world strikes out against those who do them wrong, but Christians are not supposed to be that way. We are called to be like Jesus, and to react the way that He reacted with love when evil was done against Him.

Because Jesus reacted the way that He did, we can be saved through faith in Him. If you have not been saved, today you can bow before Jesus and find forgiveness for your sins.

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