EPHESIANS 6:1

The last part of Ephesians chapter five went into important detail concerning the husband-wife relationship: the fact that the husband should love the wife, not in any small way, but with great love as Christ loves the church, and that the wife should submit to and reverence her husband. The first part of Ephesians chapter six continues with the family and deals with the parent-child relationship. Speaking to the children, the Bible says in Ephesians 6:1-3, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honor thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.”

I think that the children are mentioned first because it is the response of the children that is key. The children are told to obey the parents. There is one thing that all parents have in common: in some way and in some fashion they communicate requirements, standards, or rules to the children. In that regards all parents are the same. The question about any individual child is: is this an obedient child or not? The responsibility is given largely to the child to obey. In our day and age we put too much responsibility on the parents. If a child does not obey, it is not primarily the parent’s fault. It is the child’s fault.

Only one of the ten commandments speaks of the parent-child relationship, and it puts the responsibility on the child. That commandment is quoted in Ephesians 6:2 that says, “Honor thy father and mother.” Maybe some people in our day have gotten things out of order in how they emphasize things. Ephesians 6:1 says, “Children, obey your parents…” To obey means to give ear to, to listen for the purpose of putting into practice that which you hear. It is important that children listen to their parents with an obedient ear. If children do not listen to their parents, then they will listen to the wrong voice. As a child no one will ever love you as much as your parents. In most cases when the parents tell you something, they have wisdom and experience and love for you that motivates them. That is why this commandment is called in verse two “the first commandment with promise.” What was the promise? Deuteronomy 5:16 gives the promise and it says, “…that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.” The God-given principle is this: if you do not take good advice from those who love you, you will be left with bad advice from those who do not love you, and the result is easy to predict. The results are predicted and declared in Deuteronomy 6:16. It will not go well with thee, and your life will not be prolonged. What is one of the reasons that people die young? They would not listen to their parents. You will either learn from your parents, or you will learn the hard way. God gave you parents so that you would not have to learn the hard way.

Of course, not every one has parents who love them or who have wisdom from God in what they say. Some parents are criminals who would tell their children to do horrible things. Ephesians 6:1 covers those kinds of situations when it says, “obey your parents in the Lord.” There should be a connection to what your parents say and your service to the Lord. The Lord should always come first over what anyone says. A child should always honor their parents no matter who they are, and should always at least give respectful consideration to what the parents say.

It is important to point out that this passage of scripture is speaking of young children who are still under the care of their parents. Once you leave the household of the father and the mother, then things change. That is why Ephesians 5:31 says, “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife…”

But back on the subject of children who are under their parents, if a young person goes astray, it will be because of their own choices. Just like any other human being on the earth, children make choices; and if they go astray, it is their fault and not the parents’ fault, But God forbid that anything that a parent does or says would push a young person on a downward slide. Every person in the world has some good influences and some bad influences, and the parent wants to be sure to be one of the good influences. In order to be a good influence on your children, you must be careful not only about what you say, but how you say it. That is the message of Ephesians 6:4. It says, “And, you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”

In the case of fathers first something is given for them not to do. “Provoke not your children to wrath.” Why is it so important that fathers do not provoke the children to wrath? If the children are provoked to wrath, then the children will not want to listen to the advice and counsel of the father. What does it mean to provoke to wrath? What can a parent do that can be called provoking to wrath? The best way to answer that is to look at the other passage in the Bible where this word is used that is translated “provoke to wrath.” The other passage is Romans 10:19. It says, “But I say, Did not Israel know? First Moses saith, I will provoke you to jealousy by them that are no people, and by a foolish nation I will anger you.” It is very clear that how this word is used in Romans 10:19 has to do with the reaction of the people of Israel to the punishment that God brought upon them. In the case of Romans 10:19 the punishment came from God and it was therefore the right punishment for the right crime. If we go back to Ephesians 6:4, there is an important correlation to Romans 10:19. Fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, do not yell, do not rely on physical punishment as if it were some kind of cure to all the dangers of child-rearing. One of the dangers in child-rearing is that the punishments would be too severe and therefore have a damaging effect on the children. Harshness and strictness will not mold a child in the way that he/she needs to go. Remember the tenderness of Jesus towards children. Jesus said, “Permit the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not. For of such is the kingdom of heaven.”

If harsh punishments are not the answer in the bringing up of children, then what is? The second half of Ephesians 6:4 gives that answer. It says, “bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” The word “nurture” literally means the providing of food, and here it no doubt refers to spiritual food; and so it refers to teaching. The primary responsibility of parents is not to punish, but to teach. That is the emphasis of the word admonish also. The goal of the parents should be to teach what they can to prepare their children for the battle of good against evil. Of course, you cannot guarantee that children will acquire understanding; but you can guarantee that if they do not learn, it is not your fault because you made the teachings available. Notice who is responsible for the teaching of the children: the parents: not the government, not the schools, and not even the church. If only more children heard as a part of their upbringing “the nurture and admonition of the Lord,” then children would be raised the way that God wants them to be raised; and then whatever happened to them would be their fault because of decisions that they made. You cannot force your children make the right decisions. Even God Himself does not do that. He gives free will to every person. But you can make sure that your children have every opportunity to make the right decisions.

In Ephesians 5:21 through Ephesians 6:4 God tells us important things about our family relationships. The next place where we spend a lot of time with people is in our work environment. In Ephesians 6:5-9 we are told important things about that environment. God says in Ephesians 6:5 about our occupations, “Servants, be obedient to them that are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in singleness of your heart, as unto Christ.” The words that are translated “be obedient” of course are from the same word as that found in Ephesians 6:1 where it says, “Children, obey your parents…” This idea of obedience does not end when one leaves home. Everyone in the world must be obedient to someone to fit properly into society. Take the typical corporation. A worker has a manager. That manager has a manager, going up until the CEO. The CEO has the chairman of the board and other board members to report to. The board members have the stock-holders and government agencies to report to.

View yourself as a servant. Be a servant to God and to Christ, and be a servant to man. If you learn to obey your parents, then that obedient spirit will carry over to the rest of your life and you will benefit greatly from it. Some people have a chip on their shoulder and a rebellious spirit. They have hard lessons to learn and a steep price to pay, and they will keep on paying until they learn to be a servant. Jesus was a servant. He said that the Son of Man had come not to be served, but to serve.

This obedience that a human being should have to those who are in authority over them is a kind of obedience that is called “singleness of heart.” Who knows if you have singleness of heart or not? Only God knows. Some people have learned to serve the one above them, but only for self-interest. They are not serving for the one great purpose of honoring God and Christ. They have a duplicity of purpose. They keep one eye on the guy in charge, and one eye on their career. They feign obedience for the purpose of advancing themselves. They will receive their reward when they stand before the One Whom they should have served. A servant of Christ should serve his human masters just as Ephesians 6:6 says, “Not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but as the servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart.” The will of God is that you serve whom you are supposed to serve. But motivation is important. It is not only what you do, but why you do it. You do it in your heart as a servant of Christ, just like anything else that you do. “Whatsoever you do in word or deed, do as unto the Lord and not unto man.”

One of the great problems in the world is the disobedience and rebellion that lies in the heart of human beings. If you do not learn the proper relationship between those in authority and yourself, you will never be all that Christ wants you to be because He is the ultimate authority. You cannot be a servant of Christ unless you are a servant of man. Ephesians 6:7 says, “With good will doing service, as to the Lord and not to men.”

There are a lot of commands here and a lot of requirements. Swallow your pride, humble yourself, and be obedient to those in authority whether it be in the home or in the workplace. The main theme of this entire passage started in Ephesians 5:21 that says, “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.” God asks a lot of you in this world. Maybe that is because He has given a lot to you in the death and life of His Son. But for those few in the world who have humbled themselves under the mighty hand of God, there will be rewards from the One who gives graciously to the sons of men. If you want to receive good things from the good Lord, then do that which pleases Him. If you live in submission to those around you in the home and in the workplace, Ephesians 6:8 tells you what the result will be. It says, “Knowing that whatsoever good thing any man doeth, the same shall he receive of the Lord, whether he be bond or free.”

Some may think, “I am not a servant. I am a master, and therefore these teachings do not apply to me. They apply to the servants, they do not apply to me.” Once I heard a preacher speak on Ephesians 5:22 and teach it as if the Bible was saying that only the woman should submit, and not the man. That is not true because of what Ephesians 5:21 says. “Submitting yourselves one to another…” It is equally untrue to think that masters do not need to submit in the workplace. Ephesians 5:9 says, “And, ye masters, do the same things unto them, forbearing threatening; knowing that your master also is in heaven; neither is their respect of persons with him.”

The masters are told by God to do “the same things” that the servants were told to do, and the servants were told to be obedient to the masters. The servants were told to give ear to the masters. That means to listen closely to what the masters say and to do what they can to align themselves with the masters’ wishes. The masters should do the same thing. They should listen closely to the wishes of the servants and attempt to align themselves with what they hear. Masters are dependent upon the servants. Those who rule will eventually be undercut or overthrown if they do not listen with a submissive ear to the servants. Remember, masters, the theme of this passage is “submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.”

The Lord Jesus treats everyone the same. He is the Judge of the world, and He does not play favorites. He rewards evil for evil and good for good. Just as Ephesians 6:9 says, “neither is there respect of persons with Him.” Beware, masters, you will be judged according to a very high standard. If you have been given authority, you are expected to use that authority fairly.

Starting in Ephesians 5:21 we have been reading about God’s declaration of the importance of submitting to one another. This principle is true concerning all human relationships and concerning our relationship with God, but there is a situation where we should be in opposition and should not in any way submit, and that is in reference to the forces of evil who are our adversaries. Starting in Ephesians 6:10 is the great and extremely important passage about the armor of God that is essential to resisting the devil.

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