COLOSSIANS 3:13

This part of the book of Colossians is continuing to tell Christians how they should treat each other. The Bible says in Colossians 3:13, “Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.” Christians should forbear one another. To forbear means to be able to stand up and to endure whatever is going on around us. In other words we do not fall apart with the difficulties of dealing with a difficult person. We keep our character even though they have lost theirs. We do not sink to their level, but we are not arrogant either. We have a forgiving attitude. Of course, other people have real faults, just as we do. But because we are Christians we should always remember that Jesus forgave us our sins, and therefore we should forgive others their sins. Jesus told us in Matthew 6:12 in the Sermon on the Mount to always pray this way, “And forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.” It is very important that a Christian be able to forgive others. We must forgive in order to be like Christ. We must forgive in order to have our prayers answered. Jesus said in Matthew 6:15, “But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” We also must forgive because it is the right thing to do.

The Bible says in Colossians 3:14, “And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.” In this passage of scripture the most important thing, “charity,” is mentioned last. The word “charity” means “love.” Christians should love one another. Nothing is more important than love. The Bible says in First Corinthians 13:1-3, “Though I speak with the tongues of men and angels, and have not love, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. And though I have the gift of love, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not love, it profiteth me nothing.” You might be proud of your sound doctrine, but if you have not love; you are nothing. You might be proud of your faith, but if you have not love; you are nothing. You might be proud of your church, but if you have not love; you are nothing. Love is the principle thing, and Christians should love one another. Jesus said, “By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.”

Colossians 3:14 says that love “is the bond of perfectness.” Love is the bond. Love is what will make Christians be everything that they ought to be. Love is what will bind Christians together. Why are there divisions among believers in Christ? Why are there splits among Christians? Evidently they do not have enough of the “bond,” and the bond is love.

The Bible says in Colossians 1:15, “And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful.” This verse gives an important principle that is key to having the peace of God rule in your heart: the word “let.” “Let the peace of God rule in your hearts.” Do not underestimate the power of your own will to control what you think about. You can choose to think anxious and worrisome thoughts, or you can choose to think thoughts of peace and faith in Christ. The choice is yours. The things that rule your heart will be the things that you “let” rule your heart.

There is another thing that each Christian needs to “let” happen. The Bible says in Colossians 3:16, “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom: teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.” A believer must choose between thinking about the word of Christ or thinking about other thoughts. Which thoughts will dwell in his heart? That depends upon choices that are made. Do not make the wrong choice each moment of each day concerning what you think about. Receive, think about, and dwell upon the word of Christ. Reject, refuse, and deny all other thoughts. It is helpful to take a red-letter edition of the New Testament and give close attention to the words that are written in red. Those are the very words that Christ Himself spoke.

Notice that Colossians 3:16 says that Christians should “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom.” The word “richly” speaks of the amount that His word should be in our thoughts. His Word should dominate our thoughts. The phrase “in all wisdom” refers to the fact that the Word can be misused. Just because someone is always thinking about Bible verses and quoting Bible verses does not mean that they are using those Bible verses correctly. For example, the Bible says in Ephesians 6:4, “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” The verse emphasizes the fact that a Christian father should be a patient and kind teacher of his children. The verse is not talking about the punishment of children. And yet there are Bible teachers who will take this verse and talk about spanking children. That is an example of taking the Word of God and using it without wisdom. Not only does Ephesians 6:4 not speak of spanking, but there is no Bible verse in the entire New Testament that speaks of spanking. We live in the last days. Many people are using the Word of Christ, but they are not using it “in all wisdom.”

Colossians 3:16 says that believers should be “teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.” We should be teaching and admonishing one another because we all need help to keep thinking about the Lord each moment of the day. There are many distractions in this world. We all lead busy lives, and we do not want to become like Martha who was worried and troubled about many things. The word that is translated “admonishing” is similar to “remind” or “to bring to someone’s mind.” That is the value of good Christian songs that are filled with sound doctrine. The words in the songs help us think the good thoughts that we need to be thinking about the Lord, and they remind us of the Lord’s goodness and the worship and praise that He deserves.

Notice that Colossians 3:16 says that believers should be singing “in your heart to the Lord.” In other words a Christian who is serving the Lord does not sing so that people will hear him, but a Christian sings “to the Lord.” It is important to have the right motivation when we sing. It is important to have the right motivation in everything that we do, and so the Bible says in Colossians 3:17, “And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by Him.” We will not only be judged for what we have done, but also for why we did it. The only pure motivation is to say and do things for the Lord. All other motivation is selfishness.

It is good to talk about the spiritual requirements for following the Lord; such as what motivation we have in our hearts, but we cannot forget the practical requirements for following the Lord. The next several verses speak of the day-to-day family relationships. It says in Colossians 3:18, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.” This is one Bible verse that cannot be understood unless the entire context is looked at. Many Bible verses are that way. It says in Colossians 3:19, “Husbands, love your wives.” Does this Bible verse mean that only the husbands should show love in the family relationships? Of course not. Does it mean that the husband must love the wife, but the wife does not need to love the husband? Of course not. Colossians 3:18 says, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.” Does this mean that only the wife should use submission in the family relationships? Of course not. All human beings should use submission whenever it is appropriate. Many times it is the only way to keep the peace. Ephesians 5:21-22 makes this very clear. It says, “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” Every Christian should have submission as a part of their Christian character. Every Christian should learn to submit to the will of others in the home. In following this principle, wives should submit to the husbands.

Whenever people live together the will of one person can come against the will of the other. And of course, this friction can harm a relationship. The Word of God tells women to put themselves under the desires of the husband. This does not mean that the wife is a slave. This does not mean that the husband has the right to give orders to the wife. But it does mean that the wife should willingly submit herself to her husband’s will. Of course, the husband should do the same thing. The husband should also submit himself to the wife.

And the husband should love the wife. Colossians 3:19 says, “Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.” Bitterness is a terrible thing because of the consequences that can follow from it. The Bible says in Hebrews 12:15, “Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled.” If you are married, you are married to someone who is not perfect. Just like you, they are going to say and do things that they ought not say or do. In order for the relationship to survive, you will need a forgiving spirit and a loving heart. Love is always the most important thing. It is definitely the most important thing in marriage. If only husbands and wives would put into practice the two things mentioned in Colossians 3:18 and 19, marriages would be wonderful. If both the husband and the wife would concentrate on submitting to one another and showing love to one another without getting bitter, they would have a great marriage.

Colossians 3:20-21 gives two verses for the parent-child relationship. It says, “Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.” Notice that the responsibility first of all is placed upon the children. Children are told to obey their parents. This is consistent with the Ten Commandments. Only one of the Ten Commandments speaks of the parent-child relationship, and it puts the responsibility on the child. The child is commanded to obey the parents. It says in Exodus 20:12, “Honour thy father and thy mother; that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.” Too often human beings place the responsibility upon the parents and say, “Why didn’t the parents do this and why didn’t the parents do that?” But the Bible also emphasizes the children’s responsibility in a family: “the children should obey and the children should honour.”

If the children do not obey and if the children do not honour the parents, it’s not the fault of the parents. It is the fault of the children. They are responsible for their own actions. And God tells the children to obey the parents and to honor the parents. But of course the parents do have responsibilities. It is interesting that Colossians 3:21 does not even tell the parents what to do, but it does tell them what “not” to do. It says, “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.” Parents need to be concerned about coming across in such a way that they have the opposite effect on the children than the effect they want to have. Parents are primarily to be teachers of children and not punishers. If parents are too harsh or too strict or too severe, they can drive their children away from the good teachings that the parents are trying to give. Remember that truth comes from the Lord, but the Lord gives everyone a free choice. Everyone must choose based upon their own free will. Every child will eventually make his or her own choice. Parents should not provoke their children. Jesus does not provoke us. He gently calls us to follow Him.

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